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Trauma:It’s Manageable BUT NOT Heal-able!

7/14/2014

 

By Philip Foley      

Trauma is manageable, but it is not heal-able. Here are four other things you should know about trauma:   

1. Trauma Is a Life Long injury. The first step is to recognize this fact. Just like an amputated leg will not grow back, there is an emotional part of a trauma victim that will never be restored to what it was before trauma. This damage dramatically alters the remainder of the victims life.

2. Emotional Freezing. A victim may emotional freeze at the point of the trauma. Trauma can short circuit the emotional development of a victim. They move forward with building their life unaware that this emotional freezing has taken place. It only becomes apparent if an event triggers a flash back. At that point a trauma victim may react in a way consistent with the age they were at the point of the trauma and not their present age.   

3. Resolution and management. Through hard work and commitment, victims will be able to identify how and by whom they were traumatized. They will have a greater understanding of how this trauma has impacted their life. This resolution will enable a victims to recognizes how trauma affects their life today and how it will affect their life in the future.   

Through this recognition a victim will come to understand that management strategies are needed for creating boundaries for moving forward with their personal, spiritual and emotional growth. 

4. Taking Charge of your life. As a victim develops a greater understanding of what was done to them, who did it and how society, culture and religious tenants obstruct their personal development, they will find it necessary to make life changes. A victim may find it necessity to sever or alter relationships with family members, friends and social and cultural organizations that they now understand are unhealthy. This action in not unlike a drug addict who has to stop associating with those people and places that threaten their commitment to sobriety.   

Through hard work and commitment, you can identify the trauma and how this trauma has impacted your life. You can recognize how trauma affects your life today and how it will affect your life in the future. Through this recognition, you'll see the need to create boundaries and establish strategies for moving forward with your personal, spiritual and emotional growth.


             "I Just Want To Be Heard" 

7/3/2014

 
By Kathleen Hoy Foley

In Breaking Through Silence I recount how uncomfortable I am with claiming mystical connections with spirits though every day the spirits of dead women—and living women —surround me.  Well, I’ve outgrown the uncomfortable bit proving that, yes, we oldster women can evolve beyond our training of shame and modesty and stake claim to who we are and what is.  As for me, it’s channeling spirit energy, which I am also decent at interpreting.  I won’t bore you with the lifelong fits and starts of this pushy, lurking ability.  Suffice it to say that when my dead brother walloped me with a gigantic BAM! a year ago, I figured it was time to get serious and learn about what I knew was there waiting, but could never quite touch.  I won’t lie, I was looking for razzmatazz!  I wanted to leave behind the sad, broken women surrounding me and channel the fun spirit stuff!  I wanted to laugh with the dead, just like on television.  I wanted to exclaim, “Aunt Tillie say HI!  And everything’s great!  And oh, I buried my diamond ring by the oak tree and it’s yours!”  That’s not how it worked for me.           

My mystical path has been intensely serious and profoundly informative—and transformative.  Though it’s had its amazing moments of sheer craziness, I’ve experienced phenomena I never knew existed.  Once I decided to actually listen to its callings I was, and continue to be, humbled by the powerful, instructive nature of spirit and its insistence on being heard.

Four years ago I embarked on writing my mother’s story.  Before I knew it, I’d written 200 pages of glib, satirical prose.  It was all about me, written in my voice.  Two hundred pages of chronicling my mother through my hurting eyes.  On August 18, 2010, I wrote in my journal, Writing the story of my mother is like trying to break through a boulder with my fists.  Her silence is absolute.  Impenetrable.  I railed at Spirit that she’s impenetrable.  Even in my memory.  Spirit responded as it usually does--calmly: The clues are all there. 

When I was interrupted by the call to put into book form (Breaking Through Silence) the perspectives on sexual violence that saved my life, I set my mom’s story aside.  By the time I revisited it a couple of months ago, I’d developed the skill of listening to what I did not want to hear and had learned to honor the voice struggling to be heard, in spite of my prejudice, attitude, and lingering anger.  When I picked up my mother’s story to resume writing, I was ready to listen to her.  I was ready to hear her.

Again and again I hear women say, I just want to be heard.  We all want to be heard.  We all need to be heard.  Being heard connects us with our deepest selves.  Being heard connects us to the voice of our souls.  Being heard connects us with our purpose so that we can fully live that purpose.  If we are not heard, if we do not even hear ourselves, we cannot begin to evolve into who we are truly meant to be.

Phil’s been doing the radio talk show circuit in support of our mission and Breaking Through Silence.  Two weeks ago during an interview, in an incredible act of personal courage, a gentleman of public recognition revealed for the very first time that he’d been raped twice.  In speaking out about such agonizing sufferings, this valiant man touched the hearts and spirits of countless others in a way that his profession as a presence in the pages of magazines never could.  He opened up a path to understanding and resolution for himself and other victims of sexual violence.  He chose to speak.  He was heard.

It does not take a mystic to see and hear the clues all around us.  Victims of abuse, of sexual violence scatter clues everywhere.  The clues are available to be read and interpreted.  We all can learn about the devastating, lasting legacy of abuse.  We can listen without judgment.  We can allow others to be heard.  We can champion the voices of victims, young and old.  Through connecting with truth, we can begin to understand.  Through our understanding perhaps victims of hidden trauma can begin to understand themselves.  Understanding leads to resolution.  And resolution leads to liberation from the stranglehold abuse trauma has on its victims.    

You don’t need a mystic to reveal that the burden of sexual trauma can be lifted or that freedom waits in your future.  But you will need a mystic if you wait to speak until you pass over.  Then, I’m sorry to say, you will have to get in line.  Like the television psychics, I have a long waiting list.  Beautiful, sad dead women surround me, waiting for an opportunity to speak, to be heard.  I do my best, but the line is getting longer. 

Which reminds me, Aunt Tillie told me to tell you that she’s changed her mind about giving you the ring.  Don’t yell at me.  I’m just the messenger. 


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    About the Author

    In the provocative spirit of Matilda Joslyn Gage, Gloria Anzaldua, and Mary Daly, Kathleen Hoy Foley expands and deepens the voice of female experience.

    Raw. Uncompromising. Compassionate. Deliberately antagonistic. Kathleen writes to awaken the courage within the reader.


    TO THE SURVIVOR
    If you are a person who was victimized as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a predator. 

    I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence. 

    You were and are entitled to you life. And you had a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim's choice. Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted. 

    This is an excerpt from: 

    http://web.archive.org/web/20130101063123/http://true-perspective.org 

    Kathleen and I encourage you to visit this site for perspective on your ordeal. Live happy and whole. Claim you power! 

    You are your own authority.

    Question Everything.  Including social, religious & political authorities

    Learn to listen and respond to your intuition.  It is never wrong.

    Learn to be impolite.  It must be part of your defense system.

    Nothing is unspeakable.

    Stare truth in the eye and speak it.

    You name abuse.  Listen to your body.  It will tell you.  It is never wrong. 

    Stare abuse in the eye and speak it.

    Stare abusers in the eye and name them.

    Use your voice.  Use your words. 

    BE LOUD.  Violence against girls, boys, women and men hides in the silent shadows.

    Know that you are powerful.

    KNOW THAT YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL.   USE IT.



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