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  INDICTED (FMR.) NJ SENATOR—AN ADOPTEE—                 ALSO TRAUMATIZED WOMEN

5/12/2015

 
  By Kathleen Hoy Foley

   On Monday, May 4, 2015, William E. “Bill” Baroni, former N.J. Republican Senator, law professor, and adoptee who Chaired the Human Services Committee that chose to submit the Opening of Adoption Records Bill to a vote by the senate, was named in a nine-count indictment on charges that include conspiracy and fraud.

As Chair of the Human Services Committee and as an adoptee—adopted as an infant through an arrangement with Catholic Charities—Fmr. Senator Baroni wielded tremendous power toward the passage of the ill-conceived Adoption Records Bill.  Despite his extreme personal prejudice and legal requirement to recuse himself in accordance with the Conflicts Law, Senator Baroni abused his power and authority to push this legislation forward into law.  As a result of Senator Baroni’s actions, hundreds of innocent New Jersey women—victims of catastrophic reproductive nightmares—have been re-traumatized.  The victims of this law, whose confidential traumatic history and personal medical information will be made public in 2017, face the threat of dire emotional and physical harm from invasive strangers, as well as from family members unable to cope with such explosive revelations.

Fmr. Senator Baroni is not alone in his blatant disregard of sexually, reproductively traumatized women.  In her official capacity as a member of the Human Services Committee, Senator Diane Allen—a principal sponsor of the Opening of Adoptions Records Bill--refused requests to institute “opt out” protection for victims of confidential, catastrophic pregnancies.  Should victims of this bill not comply with all demanded information, their names will be released to the public.  In a display of further arrogance, Senator Allen became so enthralled with rap artist and adoptee, Run DMC, as he testified at a public committee hearing, that she called for an immediate unanimous vote to pass the bill out of committee onto the senate, refusing all opponents the opportunity to speak.*     

This reckless bill destined to bring harm and injury into the lives of countless innocent women—many of them now elderly who as juveniles were impregnated by rape—was championed by these two influential bureaucrats: one a criminal adoptee and the other a star-struck misogynist.

When the official governmental letter from Governor Chris Christie—a bully of shameless, outrageous proportions whose sister is adopted—arrives in my mailbox demanding highly personal, confidential information, I will remember who initiated this coercion: a criminal adoptee, a star-struck misogynist, and an outright bully.  When low-level social workers, the hammers of governmental invasion, stand on my doorstep, clipboards in hands, I will remember who sent them to intimidate me: a criminal adoptee, a star-struck misogynist, and an outright bully.

I will remember that a criminal adoptee, a star-struck misogynist, and an outright bully do not get to define my past or my future.  Nor will I be intimidated into betraying myself or my family members by any criminal, adoptee, misogynist, or bully harassing me with questions they have no business asking and I have no obligation or responsibility to answer.

Every victim of a confidential reproductive nightmare slated to receive an ultimatum from the New Jersey state government in 2017 regarding her private reproductive trauma, must remember that she is not a criminal even though she is being treated like one.  She also must know—regardless of the information she does or does not reveal about herself and her family; whatever she does or does not acquiesce to—that once the sealed adoption records are opened, her name is forevermore accessible in the public domain and any possibility of maintaining her confidentiality is over, despite “promises” by the government.  To that end, whatever private history and medical information she surrenders to the State to be forwarded to a third party becomes like feathers in the wind.  The State does not have the ability to protect her privacy once it unseals her record and/or releases her confidential information into the public arena.

The only people with the ultimate power to control this fiasco are the victims of this bill themselves.  It will be up to each individual to create and manage her own future on her own terms, and not allow a criminal adoptee, a star-struck misogynist, and an outright bully to make decisions for her. 

Fmr. Senator Baroni stands as evidence of the abuse of power, of the apparent willingness of those with undue influence to place even school children at risk.  This high level of unmitigated authority reiterates the absolute necessity that every victim of sexual, reproductive trauma must find her own voice and empower herself.  There is no other option.
          

* See Woman In Hiding, A True Tale of Backdoor Abuse, Dark Secrets & Other Evil Deeds, pgs. 285-286


Happy Mother's Day

5/4/2015

 
By Kathleen Hoy Foley

Dear sister in circumstance, my wish for you this Mother’s Day is that you will celebrate freely in the full richness of the love you have for others and receive fully the love they have for you.  May you truly know that love is an affinity of the soul, a connection to divine harmony.  May you know with genuine clarity that this path of affinity and shared connection with your loved ones is an authentic path of the soul and a means of respecting yourself and all you bring into the lives of those around you.  You are part of the highest good and always have been.  May you recognize your soul family as those who love you unconditionally and support and encourage you to be all that you can possibly be.  May you allow yourself to embrace what you know to be true—that circumstances of biology have nothing to do with profound love. 

If Mother’s Day has been tainted for you by the malicious and the woefully ignorant who hunt you, threaten you by demanding that you compensate them for your personal nightmare of suffering a reproductive crisis, may you come to full understanding that those demands are unethical and abusive.  May you truly appreciate that those who try to force you into being what you are not, who try to intimidate you into changing the reality of your traumatic experience, are acting out of their own self interest.  You are not the adoptee’s mother despite that indicting label forced upon you by the malicious and the ignorant.  Know that the malicious and the ignorant are not your superiors and have no authority over you.  Just because they decide something about you, does not make it so.  Understand that those who inflict cruelty either by maliciousness or ignorance bear personal responsibility for whatever injuries their actions create, including what boomerangs back into their own lives. 

Sister in circumstance, may you find solace in the knowledge that you carry no responsibility for what lacks in the heart of another.  In fact, you do not have the power to alleviate the empty longings in another’s soul.  A simple truth of existence is that we have within us—at all times—the ability to fulfill and complete ourselves; to resolve our painful wounds; and to achieve personal heights we never dreamed possible.  Nothing from outside cures the emptiness within. 

May you genuinely comprehend that those working diligently to bully and terrorize you into submission, to extort from you that which does not belong to them—whatever that is—are no different from those who persecute and condemn anyone who disagrees with their constricted, arrogant viewpoints.  May you know that the judgments and prejudices of others—politicians, clergy, family members, Mary Queen of Rapes, the neighbor three doors down, your coworker—are primitive-level mind-sets, not inspired truths. 

May you know that just because bullies throw tantrums loud enough to arouse public pity and deafening enough to sway politicians to pass laws to penalize the innocent does not obligate you to cower and obey their demands.  May you come to comprehend that the very act of such demanding is coercion and is fed by the delusion and egotism of entitlement with the intention of seizing, of appropriating, of grabbing what belongs to another. 

May you come to understand that by submitting to covert force, even as its masquerades as creditable, you are betraying your deepest self—a self worthy of your love, honor and protection.  May you understand that submitting to the force of another is never the answer and through the law of nature, simply creates more of what you do not want.  Know that what is gained through force and intimidation—even though that force and intimidation surrounds itself with esteemed jargon and pious deeds—is always shadowed by darkness.  Darkness must be resolved by the one who creates it.  And the one forced to live with it.   

My wish for you, dear sister in circumstance, is for you to look beyond the social and religious hysterics and see logic and reason.  The spectrum of reproduction, like anything else in the human experience, ranges from complete ecstasy to utter despair—from fulfilled desire to catastrophic nightmare.  That which is forced upon you, imposed upon you, does not obligate you, in spite of coercion from politicians, clergy, family members, Mary Queen of Rapes, the neighbor three doors down, your coworker, or __________(fill-in-the-blank).    

Dear sister in circumstance, with the clarity of self-confidence and self-respect may you claim this Mother’s Day as yours.  May you elevate yourself from the inevitable “poor me, I just don’t know who I am” tales whining from every media outlet on this May Sunday.  May you choose freedom for yourself.  May you stand up and claim your personal rights.  May you begin to understand the impact of what you have endured has had on your life, and take steps forward toward the true resolution that awaits you.  May you discover and speak your truth. 

And should some of those you love turn their backs on you—on the wounds you’ve suffered—please keep in mind that their failure to understand genuine love and their inability to accept reality has nothing to do with you.  Whatever turmoil and distortions live within their hearts represents their responsibility and their challenge to resolve.  May you truly understand that you cannot heal them or render them empathetic, however much you ache to.  They must do it for themselves.  

What you can do, dear sister in circumstance, is recognize your courage and set yourself free.  You can fly.    

Happy Mother’s Day!


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    About the Author

    In the provocative spirit of Matilda Joslyn Gage, Gloria Anzaldua, and Mary Daly, Kathleen Hoy Foley expands and deepens the voice of female experience.

    Raw. Uncompromising. Compassionate. Deliberately antagonistic. Kathleen writes to awaken the courage within the reader.


    TO THE SURVIVOR
    If you are a person who was victimized as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a predator. 

    I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence. 

    You were and are entitled to you life. And you had a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim's choice. Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted. 

    This is an excerpt from: 

    http://web.archive.org/web/20130101063123/http://true-perspective.org 

    Kathleen and I encourage you to visit this site for perspective on your ordeal. Live happy and whole. Claim you power! 

    You are your own authority.

    Question Everything.  Including social, religious & political authorities

    Learn to listen and respond to your intuition.  It is never wrong.

    Learn to be impolite.  It must be part of your defense system.

    Nothing is unspeakable.

    Stare truth in the eye and speak it.

    You name abuse.  Listen to your body.  It will tell you.  It is never wrong. 

    Stare abuse in the eye and speak it.

    Stare abusers in the eye and name them.

    Use your voice.  Use your words. 

    BE LOUD.  Violence against girls, boys, women and men hides in the silent shadows.

    Know that you are powerful.

    KNOW THAT YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL.   USE IT.



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