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SUICIDE:
Another Perspective Kathleen Hoy Foley From a very tender age I took my mother extremely seriously when she threatened to slash her wrists, stick her head in the oven, or issued equally horrifying hints, alerts and menacing vows to kill herself. My mother’s frequent clarion calls for rescue repeatedly sent me scurrying to her side in a sweaty, driven panic to save her life--I always arrived just in the nick of time. The suicidal pronouncements that froze my heart and induced such primitive panic began long before I learned to tie my shoes. And not until arthritis turned shoe tying into a fumbling workout did an ominous truth click into place: my now-elderly mother was still a drowning woman refusing rescue from the dark, swelling vortex of her suicidal depression. And I was still her faithful prisoner drowning right alongside her. Reality rose like a bitter sun: I could not prevent my mother’s death wishes. No amount of devotion, support, or tough love had or ever would ease her self-loathing. I was never going to be able to stop my mother from destroying herself. In truth, only she had that power. Killing oneself is a profoundly personal deed with tentacles snaking far back into the deadened, muzzled silence that refuses to give up its secrets easily, even to its victim. My mother’s wrist bore the thick, angry scars of a serious suicide attempt. The threat of her impending death was a daily echo in my life reverberating outward from the hidden chamber of her emotional agony. She had no intellectual or cultural access to her own why, therefore, no effective means for resolution or healing. She endured the burden of emotional pain without protest or analysis, as if her hell was permanently chiseled into the stonework of her life. As loved ones—as rescuers—we demand in-depth answers for acts of suicide. We ask why? Why? Why? But we are outsiders, barred from the secrets concealed in another’s soul making those profoundly mysterious, deeply individual reasons unavailable to us. The details of why will remain forever unobtainable to us. For we can never truly grasp or fully understand the gravity and force of another’s tormented pull toward self-destruction. Still, our guilt and terror insist that we plan for the worst so we will know exactly what to do if…god forbid… We memorize lists of red flags and telltale signs. We cart around a directory of hot lines, mental health clinics, and phone numbers of anyone we might call in an emergency…god forbid. And should an energetic tsunami of dark emotions, insurmountable circumstances, and upsetting events coalesce at the wrong time and overpower our loved one and suicide becomes a reality, we grieve not only their death but our failure to prevent it. As if the ultimate power to prevent another’s death belongs to us. So we badger ourselves for answers--what did I miss? What could I have done? We curse ourselves for not knowing the solution to our loved one’s emotional agony. We condemn ourselves for failing to see what our suicidal loved one so carefully hid. We blame ourselves for neglecting to see what we now know was right before our eyes. How could I have allowed someone I deeply cherish to fall into such despair? We torture ourselves because we believe we should have known. Over and over we criticize ourselves for what we did not know as if we are mind readers, body language experts, students of voice analysis, trained psychiatrists and skilled detectives all rolled into one. But we cannot be all those things—we are just regular people doing the best we can, loving the best way we know how. In truth, we would do anything…anything in our power to prevent a loved one’s self-destruction. And that is just it…we would do anything. We would do anything…if we could. But we can’t. If we could, we would. If we could have, we would have. This is truth we must accept: we are powerless in the face of another’s determination. In-depth answers are available to us, but not from our loved one. The difficult questions we would ask them are the same difficult questions we must ask ourselves. Within our truth lies the truth we seek from our loved one, because we are all connected to the universal truth. We all bear wounds and darkness. When we join forces with our courage and look deep within, when we generate the strength to uncover what cowers in our own dark—what keeps us from evolving fully into our light—we will have our answer. To understand the darkness in another, look for the darkness in yourself. You are powerless to heal anyone else. But you possess the power, the strength, and the ability to heal yourself. It takes work. It takes time. It takes focused determination. Be among the healed. When you walk with the genuinely healed, you radiate powerful light from within. You become part of the universal energy of light, of healing. Light has the power to penetrate the tiniest fissure. Light has the power to lift, to illuminate. You can align yourself with the light. You can be a light in the face of darkness. You can be a beacon of light and possibility for your loved one, even if your loved one is in spirit. This is what you have the power to do. Namaste Should you encounter a person or place in need of beautiful, colorful light please consider our ArtLight Initiative: www.anunobstructedpath.net click on Original Art tab In-Spirit Message
The fundamental purpose of inter-consciousness/spirit energy communication is development of a deeper understanding of truth and evolution. You don’t fit truth into your perception—truth expands your perception. If a message resonates with you despite unrecognizable details, the message is for you. Received by khf THE ARTIST An in-spirit energy connected indicating that her passing was a result of bone cancer/bone marrow issue that involved her left leg and lower back, then spread throughout the body when she was in her fifties. She was an artist—a ceramicist with a bohemian edge who threw her own clay and worked exclusively with the color blue. She said that as her condition continued to worsen, she became more focused on her art. In fact, as her disease consumed her body, she became consumed by her art. During the time leading to her passing, she produced the most beautiful, the most colorful, vibrant (expanding beyond her blues) art she had ever created in her earth life. Her art—her all-consuming focus on its creation—paved her way to physical death with magic (as she called it). She proclaims that she is forever grateful. Namaste Please consider our ArtLight Initiative should you encounter a person or place in need of beautiful, colorful light. Please consider our ArtLight Initiative should you encounter a person or place in need of beautiful, colorful light. http://www.anunobstructedpath.net click on the Original Artwork tab for details The fundamental purpose of inter-consciousness/spirit energy communication is
development of a deeper understanding of truth and evolution. You don’t fit truth into your perception—truth expands your perception. If a message resonates with you despite unrecognizable details, the message is for you. FITTING IN He was a garage mechanic/welder from the rural south, this young male energy in his late 20s to early 30s. He revealed a road next to a culvert, a washout, and then he said he “disappeared.” He wanted it made known that he loved his job, his community, and always did right by his customers. But he was very different from his community and did not fit in. He was never “one of them” which brought him great emotional isolation. He pretended to be like those around him, but he was completely and forever different and lacked the tools to reveal the secret he’d kept his entire life. During his earth life he had advanced knowings, understandings and spiritual visions. He was afraid and intimidated by his inner life and kept quiet in order to fit in. He lacked the means and knowledge on how to liberate himself from the confines of his small community’s belief systems. He fits in where he is now. From his current perspective he understands that wearing a thick mask—hiding who you are—is deeply, personally damaging, not only on the earth plane but damages (impedes) the/your future. He sees now that he could have begun educating about his advanced understandings. Not only would the process of educating have strengthened him, it also would have served a higher spiritual good for everyone around him. * * * JIM Jim, a young dairy farmer, helped his dad run the modest operation. He died in his early 20s from an injury to his leg that became infected and compromised his entire body. Like the mechanic/welder, Jim also had elevated spiritual understandings that he did not discuss with anyone on the earth plane. When Jim was 11 someone came into his bedroom one night and did “horrible things” to him. He did not elaborate or name the predator. He never told anyone of this incident. But that night lived in the pit of his stomach and continues to live there even as he is in spirit. Jim says that the dairy farm is now very successful and his parents live in a mansion-type home with tall pillars out front. Jim showed me how he is a presence in and around the home, standing taller than the house outside and radiating love and protection. When children are visiting the house, Jim is inside emanating a fiery red energetic presence with fiercely protective energy. This is how he is resolving the pain he still carries from being molested as a little boy. He maintains a presence of love and protectiveness in the home, watching over visiting children, along with his mother. * * * GENTLE GREEN Gentle Green, a healer woman somewhere in her 50s – 60s, connected with the Creole energy of pine trees and meandering waters of the Bayou. She was a handsome woman—a plain-dressing, churchgoing woman—with high cheekbones and soft piercing eyes. They call her Gentle Green because she has a kind heart and green is the color of the heart charka—the center of love. Some called her a witch doctor because she used herbs and tinctures for healings. Gentle Green was bitten by a poisonous spider or snake and passed as a result. Gentle Green lived with a partner who would not allow any light to flow into the house, both literally and figuratively. The house was always dark, the curtains always drawn. She says that wounds of the soul from the earth plane carried into the spirit plane take a very long time to heal. People are trying to “contact” her, but Gentle Green does not want to be contacted. She says she does not have their answers and needs time to heal the many wounds in her own soul. She asked to be left alone, reiterating that “wounds of the soul take a long time to heal.” * * * “PAUL BUNYAN” He worked in logging or building mountain structures (bridges) this rugged mountain man who showed up sporting a hefty beard and wearing a plaid, flannel shirt saying he always wanted to be Paul Bunyan. Only he wasn’t. His passing is related to a pain in his left temple. As he grew older, “Paul Bunyan” began shrinking physically. And to his amazement, as the image of Paul Bunyan began disappearing, this once rugged mountain man had nothing left. This spirit energy now looks back in astonishment at how he wasted his time on the earth plane being someone he wasn’t. He kept repeating, “How about that?” as if he couldn’t quite believe how it all worked out for him, how he never looked any further than his Paul Bunyan fantasy. And then his earth life was over. “Paul Bunyan” can’t seem to make peace with all he could have done, but didn’t do. He now sees very clearly that there was more for him, but at the time he just assumed that pretending to be “Paul Bunyan” was all there was to do. The make believe Paul Bunyan is shocked at how wrong he was and left asking, “How did I miss so much????” * * * SKI-DOO One year ago today (6.15.18) a young man, 19 or so, died in a Ski-Doo (Jet Ski) accident. In physical life, he was devoted to wild life rehabilitation, particularly large raptors. Strangely, it was not the young man who connected, rather his grandfather who is also in spirit. The grandfather said that his grandson is still in the process of healing spiritually. Evidently when he passed, the young man was suffering from a broken heart relating to a break-up with someone he deeply loved. On this day—the anniversary of this young man’s unexpected transition—Grandfather wants his family to know that their young man is deeply involved in working with animals in-spirit who are in need of spiritual rehabilitation, and has a special fondness for a particular bald eagle. Both are well on the way to healing. * * * CHILDREN IN-SPIRIT PLANE Over the years I’ve been introduced to many different planes (areas of higher consciousness existences). These planes are as vast and varied physically, spiritually and experientially as any locale on this earth plane. This week I was introduced to Children In-Spirit Plane. On this plane children are nurtured and bathed in absolute love by “spirit mothers” (not defined as female) when those children have been separated physically from their earth parents/earth loves and are suffering from that loss. This absolute love is given as needed and lasts for the duration (as defined by each child spirit). These children (age does not particularly identify the child; rather the child-identity appears to be based on need) are surrounded by loving, loving energy given personally and individually—love as warm and safe as sitting on a grandma’s lap. The loving energies providing this warmth and nurturing are wholly and completely dedicated and devoted to loving spirit children (the heart of a suffering child in any body). That is the purity of their entire purpose. Namaste |
Archives
October 2018
CategoriesWomen in Hiding Press Books:
About the Author
In the provocative spirit of Matilda Joslyn Gage, Gloria Anzaldua, and Mary Daly, Kathleen Hoy Foley expands and deepens the voice of female experience. TO THE SURVIVOR
If you are a person who was victimized as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a predator. I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence. You were and are entitled to you life. And you had a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim's choice. Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted. This is an excerpt from: http://web.archive.org/web/20130101063123/http://true-perspective.org Kathleen and I encourage you to visit this site for perspective on your ordeal. Live happy and whole. Claim you power! You are your own authority. Question Everything. Including social, religious & political authorities Learn to listen and respond to your intuition. It is never wrong. Learn to be impolite. It must be part of your defense system. Nothing is unspeakable. Stare truth in the eye and speak it. You name abuse. Listen to your body. It will tell you. It is never wrong. Stare abuse in the eye and speak it. Stare abusers in the eye and name them. Use your voice. Use your words. BE LOUD. Violence against girls, boys, women and men hides in the silent shadows. Know that you are powerful. KNOW THAT YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT. |
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