By Kathleen Hoy Foley
Sixteen years ago a predator adoptee destroyed my life and the life of my family as we knew it. Over the years this adoptee continued her assaults, refusing all requests to stop. Not so long ago, this adoptee schemed with my uncle and brother to “kidnap” my frail eighty year old mother, tricking her into a contact meeting. My mother, who has since died, was suffering from dementia at the time. Lest you presume that this is lowlife nonsense, know that the two men involved are successful and respected members of their communities.
Last year, Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey signed into law a bill that will publicly expose victims of crisis pregnancies that ended in confidential adoptions (adoption=crisis pregnancy). This year, Governor Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania is poised to do the same. Apparently, not even dead women in Pennsylvania are safe, since upon death their names will be revealed to the public.
Predator adoptees are not going away. In fact, with the support of state governments and a public sympathetic to their agenda, they are gaining strength and momentum. It is not a matter of if an affected woman’s confidentiality will be exposed; it is only a matter of when. In the near future, I—along with thousands of vulnerable, frightened women across New Jersey—will be receiving an official letter from Governor Christie outlining the demands of his new law. (I have a plan.)
If you are a woman impacted by the repercussions of these injustices, please recognize that the Calvary is not coming. There is no outside rescue available. Not through therapy. Not through the legal system, or any authorities. Not through those who think they understand—they don’t have a clue. And certainly, not through any wishful thinking.
However, that does not mean that you are powerless—you are not. You have incredible power. What you need is grounded information, compassionate support, elevated perspectives, and the counsel that only experience and successful, personal resolution can provide.
We invite you to meet with us personally out here in the quiet and safe surroundings of the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Phil and I can help you find your path through this seemingly impossible—and life altering—challenge.
You will mange this. Not only will you manage this, you will get on top of it. Not only will you get on top of it, you will empower yourself. Not only will you empower yourself, you will be powerful. This we promise you. All you have to do is promise yourself.
Kathleen and Phil Foley
We have received several communications from women in Pennsylvania expressing their fear of the passage of PA Bill HB 162. Pennsylvania appears to be following New Jersey in exposing women who suffered catastrophic pregnancies and were rescued by the confidential adoption process.
For women who will be impacted by this legislation, we recommend you review our blog entry Governor Chris Christie signs death warrant for aging and elderly women in New Jersey, May 5, 2014 and The Opening of Sealed Adoption Records: Privacy and Redaction, May 20, 2014.
Although the legislation in Pennsylvania in not exactly like the New Jersey legislation, the life altering impact is the same for women traumatized by confidential and unwanted pregnancy no matter what her age.
The Storm is coming. You are stronger than you think. You have options. Don’t let the State of Pennsylvania control you destiny. Be proactive. You are not alone.
Kathleen and I understand your concern of exposure in sharing your story. We have modified our Submissions Guidelines in response to your heart-felt letter. Please know that we will do everything in our power to protect your confidentiality and privacy. We are here for you. You are not alone.
Women in Hiding Press Books:
About the Author
In the provocative spirit of Matilda Joslyn Gage, Gloria Anzaldua, and Mary Daly, Kathleen Hoy Foley expands and deepens the voice of female experience.
TO THE SURVIVOR
If you are a person who was victimized as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a predator.
I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence.
You were and are entitled to you life. And you had a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim's choice. Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted.
This is an excerpt from:
Kathleen and I encourage you to visit this site for perspective on your ordeal. Live happy and whole. Claim you power!
You are your own authority.
Question Everything. Including social, religious & political authorities
Learn to listen and respond to your intuition. It is never wrong.
Learn to be impolite. It must be part of your defense system.
Nothing is unspeakable.
Stare truth in the eye and speak it.
You name abuse. Listen to your body. It will tell you. It is never wrong.
Stare abuse in the eye and speak it.
Stare abusers in the eye and name them.
Use your voice. Use your words.
BE LOUD. Violence against girls, boys, women and men hides in the silent shadows.
Know that you are powerful.
KNOW THAT YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT.