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                                   A SHIFT?

8/27/2015

 

                           By Phil and Kathleen Foley
 

Throughout history society has turned away from victims of abuse.  Society continues to struggle to define sexual abuse, and to accept the profound, abiding and long-reaching effects that unresolved sexual trauma places on victims and those in the victims’ lives.  However, with the spate of celebrity sexual predators in the news, with victims willing to speak out, a shift is occurring. 

History has a way of eventually revealing the truth to society and its victims, as well.  Many victims of unwanted impregnation that resulted in confidential adoptions do not yet comprehend the full and complex reality of rape and that this reality pertains to them.  They do not understand the covert scheming of predators and continue to believe they are responsible for the pregnancy and, therefore, have social and personal obligations regarding the adoption/pregnancy.  Victims of this type of systematic, and often covert violence, do not yet realize, or can bear to admit, that there were those around them who knew what was happening to them: abuse never happens in a vacuum. 

It may take decades for society to finally realize that the opening of confidential adoption records is a violent component of the originating sexual trauma and perpetuates that violence by exposing innocent, vulnerable women to psychological trauma and physical harm.  This is common sense.  Eventually society will recognize this.  Just as they are recognizing and are finally willing to admit that someone as “funny and lovable” as Dr. Huxtable is in reality a serial rapist.   

Sexual violence, whether it is acknowledged or not, defined or not, is still sexual violence.  Sexual violence is about power over a victim.  And the dark secret of sexual violence owns and controls the victim.  A sexual predator, celebrity or not, uses his power to manipulate the victim and others around him into silence.  Those who witness this depravity must be encouraged to speak.  .

Many people knew or suspected what Bill Cosby, Jerry Sandusky, Jared Fogle (the Subway spokesman), and all the pedophile clergy were doing but were too afraid or did not have the ability to speak out.  How many of the Cosby, Sandusky, Fogle and clergy victims would have been spared if someone found the courage to speak earlier.  Perhaps they did, but no one listened. Perhaps they were silenced by the people who profited off of these predators.

Finally, some people are speaking out.  Finally these predators have been exposed. Many of their victims have waited for decades for this truth to validate their ordeal.

Perhaps there is a shift in our culture, society, religious practice and judicial system that is empowering people to report known or suspected sexual violence.  A shift that is identifying rape beyond its Hollywood prototype and examining the depths of its reality.  Perhaps the desire to speak was always there but not the means.  We now have IPhones and other social media that provide a new freedom of speech to everyone, including you.  People are using this technology to overcome the traditional obstacles that kept many silent.

If we continue to support and protect the witnesses to this plague on our society, we will help minimize the power and influence these predators use to hide.  We will expose them sooner, perhaps preventing them from finding another victim.

Perhaps a shift has started.  I truly hope this is so.



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    About the Author

    In the provocative spirit of Matilda Joslyn Gage, Gloria Anzaldua, and Mary Daly, Kathleen Hoy Foley expands and deepens the voice of female experience.

    Raw. Uncompromising. Compassionate. Deliberately antagonistic. Kathleen writes to awaken the courage within the reader.


    TO THE SURVIVOR
    If you are a person who was victimized as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry you ever had to suffer at the hands of a predator. 

    I am sorry you were abused, sorry no one protected you, sorry you have felt so alone, sorry you have been so afraid then and in the now. I am so sorry for the loss of your innocence. 

    You were and are entitled to you life. And you had a right to inherit your own body. And no matter what you did or what you think you failed to do you are not to blame. Sexual abuse is never a victim's choice. Sexual abuse is something that was done to your body not something you wanted. 

    This is an excerpt from: 

    http://web.archive.org/web/20130101063123/http://true-perspective.org 

    Kathleen and I encourage you to visit this site for perspective on your ordeal. Live happy and whole. Claim you power! 

    You are your own authority.

    Question Everything.  Including social, religious & political authorities

    Learn to listen and respond to your intuition.  It is never wrong.

    Learn to be impolite.  It must be part of your defense system.

    Nothing is unspeakable.

    Stare truth in the eye and speak it.

    You name abuse.  Listen to your body.  It will tell you.  It is never wrong. 

    Stare abuse in the eye and speak it.

    Stare abusers in the eye and name them.

    Use your voice.  Use your words. 

    BE LOUD.  Violence against girls, boys, women and men hides in the silent shadows.

    Know that you are powerful.

    KNOW THAT YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL.   USE IT.


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