Since the State of New Jersey has opened the Sealed Confidential Adoption Records.
Kathleen and I thought it necessary to revive a perspective from our Activist days.
We hope both the aging and elderly women/men now being exposed and those who choose to expose them will consider what we offer.
The answers we seek are already within us. Look inside, YOU choose to be happy, YOU choose to make your life meaningful, YOU decide what your identity will be. A biological event, long ago, does not define YOU. YOU DO!!!
A Perspective:
Today aging women, including frail elderly women, are enduring egregious abuse from State governments that are opening court sealed adoption records and intimidating these women into forfeiting private medical and personal histories to stranger-adoptees.
Adoption agencies are placing aging and elder women at extreme physical and emotional risk by releasing deeply intimate and identifying details to strangers claiming rights as adoptees. Adoptees seeking to satisfy their own curiosity, some looking for revenge, are hunting down and ambushing elder women and their families, dismissing as unimportant the damage and destruction they create.
Despite whatever irreversible consequences may occur, society, via the media, insists on romanticizing this trend of pursuing women and forcing public exposure of past traumas.
Socially and politically this sanctioned abuse and punishment of aging and elderly women is disguised as a human rights issue for those who were placed into adoption.
Left without social support and legal options, it is, sadly, up to the woman in hiding to protect herself the best way she can.
In hopes of offering emotional and practical support to all those women left alone to defend themselves from this social and governmental assault, Phil and I are sharing what we have learned through our years of fighting this injustice.
If you are a woman in hiding, please know that you are not alone. We have been where you are.
To every woman confronting unwanted contact from a stranger-adoptee
You have a constitutional right to privacy, guaranteed by the 14th amendment.
You have a personal and a moral right to privacy.
You are not, repeat, NOT obligated morally, spiritually or legally (unless by subpoena) to the adoptee.
You have the right to invoke the word NO to direct or indirect contact with the adoptee.
You have the right to refuse to divulge any medical or personal information to any agency, institution or individual demanding it (unless compelled by subpoena).
Giving birth does not make you a mother.
You have the right to reject any and all familial labels concerning the adoptee. (We use Biological Source or Biological Carrier, and always adoptee, or stranger-adoptee.)
You do not owe anyone, including family members, an explanation of your past circumstances.
You have the absolute right to set your boundaries regarding your situation, including terms and consequences if those boundaries are violated, even by loved ones.
Stalking constitutes any unwanted contact--physical, verbal, written--that places a victim in fear. Stalking by an adoptee is criminal behavior.
Understand that despite what the stranger-adoptee uses as an excuse to continue unwanted contact, it is harassment and stalking.
Know that from an early age, many adoptees are protected from disturbing truths surrounding their adoptions and are regaled with notions of love and loss and aching empty arms. When faced with the reality as adults, these adoptees still feel entitled to the fairytales they were told and refuse to believe the truth.
Understand that it is not you that the stranger-adoptee is seeking; it is fulfillment of an unrealistic fantasy that the adoptee has created in his/her own mind.
Many adoptees want a revision of their personal history; relief from longing that they do not understand is self-imposed.
Whatever the adoptee chooses to believe or not believe, he/she has no entitlement to you, your family, or any of your personal and private information.
Recognize that no matter what you do or don't do, it is not within your power to heal the adoptee. Only they can heal themselves; it is that way for all of us.
Know that whatever events led you to the adoption process, you have no guilt to bear. Not then. Not now.
Do not be swayed by those who didn't live your ordeal and know nothing of your anguish.
Most significantly, be loyal to yourself and claim your right to say NO.
Kathleen and I thought it necessary to revive a perspective from our Activist days.
We hope both the aging and elderly women/men now being exposed and those who choose to expose them will consider what we offer.
The answers we seek are already within us. Look inside, YOU choose to be happy, YOU choose to make your life meaningful, YOU decide what your identity will be. A biological event, long ago, does not define YOU. YOU DO!!!
A Perspective:
Today aging women, including frail elderly women, are enduring egregious abuse from State governments that are opening court sealed adoption records and intimidating these women into forfeiting private medical and personal histories to stranger-adoptees.
Adoption agencies are placing aging and elder women at extreme physical and emotional risk by releasing deeply intimate and identifying details to strangers claiming rights as adoptees. Adoptees seeking to satisfy their own curiosity, some looking for revenge, are hunting down and ambushing elder women and their families, dismissing as unimportant the damage and destruction they create.
Despite whatever irreversible consequences may occur, society, via the media, insists on romanticizing this trend of pursuing women and forcing public exposure of past traumas.
Socially and politically this sanctioned abuse and punishment of aging and elderly women is disguised as a human rights issue for those who were placed into adoption.
Left without social support and legal options, it is, sadly, up to the woman in hiding to protect herself the best way she can.
In hopes of offering emotional and practical support to all those women left alone to defend themselves from this social and governmental assault, Phil and I are sharing what we have learned through our years of fighting this injustice.
If you are a woman in hiding, please know that you are not alone. We have been where you are.
To every woman confronting unwanted contact from a stranger-adoptee
You have a constitutional right to privacy, guaranteed by the 14th amendment.
You have a personal and a moral right to privacy.
You are not, repeat, NOT obligated morally, spiritually or legally (unless by subpoena) to the adoptee.
You have the right to invoke the word NO to direct or indirect contact with the adoptee.
You have the right to refuse to divulge any medical or personal information to any agency, institution or individual demanding it (unless compelled by subpoena).
Giving birth does not make you a mother.
You have the right to reject any and all familial labels concerning the adoptee. (We use Biological Source or Biological Carrier, and always adoptee, or stranger-adoptee.)
You do not owe anyone, including family members, an explanation of your past circumstances.
You have the absolute right to set your boundaries regarding your situation, including terms and consequences if those boundaries are violated, even by loved ones.
Stalking constitutes any unwanted contact--physical, verbal, written--that places a victim in fear. Stalking by an adoptee is criminal behavior.
Understand that despite what the stranger-adoptee uses as an excuse to continue unwanted contact, it is harassment and stalking.
Know that from an early age, many adoptees are protected from disturbing truths surrounding their adoptions and are regaled with notions of love and loss and aching empty arms. When faced with the reality as adults, these adoptees still feel entitled to the fairytales they were told and refuse to believe the truth.
Understand that it is not you that the stranger-adoptee is seeking; it is fulfillment of an unrealistic fantasy that the adoptee has created in his/her own mind.
Many adoptees want a revision of their personal history; relief from longing that they do not understand is self-imposed.
Whatever the adoptee chooses to believe or not believe, he/she has no entitlement to you, your family, or any of your personal and private information.
Recognize that no matter what you do or don't do, it is not within your power to heal the adoptee. Only they can heal themselves; it is that way for all of us.
Know that whatever events led you to the adoption process, you have no guilt to bear. Not then. Not now.
Do not be swayed by those who didn't live your ordeal and know nothing of your anguish.
Most significantly, be loyal to yourself and claim your right to say NO.
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