By Kathleen Hoy Foley
Call me woo-woo, but intuition and synchronistic occurrences pave the way for me through the combat of political rhetoric and past cunning abusers posing as martyred heroes for a higher cause (insert sob here).  It is not like I didn’t expect closed confidential birth records to be magically unsealed with a sweeping open sesame command by Governor Chris Christie.  It’s that when it happened, I pictured hundreds of little song birds being felled by a hefty guy dressed in camouflage swilling cheap beer, firing rounds out of a shotgun he scored in a shady deal with a character named Bubba.  I myself don’t drink beer; however that occasion called for it.  I resisted and instead took to staring out the window wishing I had my own sorcerer’s sword—never mind what I’d do with it.  That’s when I saw the bird.  A dazzling bird to be specific.  A rose-breasted grosbeak to be even more specific.

It’s been years since a rose-breasted grosbeak showed up in our yard.  But on the day I heard about all the women on Governor Christie’s hit list, there it was, splashing in our small garden waterfall as if the spring morning had dawned and warmed the water simply for its pleasure.  I was properly dazzled.  All life’s pleasures wrapped up in one little bird dancing in the sunlight.  A smile-worthy scene if ever there was one.  Later in the day, a photo of a rose-breasted grosbeak “coincidently” showed up in our email.  Synchronicity at its finest.  The little bird was zooming in from mysterious sacred realms bearing a message of good tidings.  I was sure of it.  Certainly Governor Christie would feel the sorrowful beat of his own heart and realize he’d been spoon-fed Kool-Aid by cunning abusers bearing a suspicious resemblance to overgrown infants throwing temper tantrums.  Whereby the governor would wield his sorcerer’s sword three times backwards reversing his open sesame command while chanting, the stalking of old women by overgrown infants throwing temper tantrums is a crime.  And the dazzling rose-breasted grosbeak would continue to dazzle and all the little song birds would be spared.

A week later the rose-breasted grosbeak was dead.  Synchronicity at its worst.

That dazzling bird and its unfortunate header into plate glass started me reflecting on my mother, The Little Bird.  That’s what I called her in the last years of her life, The Little Bird.  One glimpse told the tale.  Tiny.  Broken.  Confused.  Songless.  Dying.  Like that rose-breasted grosbeak.  The dazzle extinguished.  What a woo-woo parallel, I thought—two little birds: tiny, broken, confused, songless, dying—lying as defenseless prey for any skulking predator looking to cop lunch.  And guess what arrived to devour both carcasses.  That’s right.  Predators.

After her brain was sufficiently befuddled and her little bird body was sufficiently broken down so as to guarantee no resistance, two cunning abusers showed up on The Little Bird’s doorstep.  The Little Bird was oblivious.  How would she know that she was being tricked and dragged off to serve as the “fading star” in a scheme connived by the two overgrown infants?  That she was no more than a cartoon character used to fulfill their sentimental fantasies?  Of course, she wouldn’t know, but the predators knew.

One cunning abuser, her adopted brother--Bill from Ohio, as my mother would sneer when referring to him—exhibited surprising perception.  My mother’s loathing of him was the stuff of legends.  Smart of Bill from Ohio to wait until her brain was adequately wasted and her speech totally muddled.  Because before she became The Little Bird, my mother would’ve gone for his jugular, Ninja style.  The second cunning abuser was a thumb-sucking stranger in the throes of a temper tantrum demanding her turn at The Little Bird’s carcass.  The stranger posed The Little Bird for a few sappy photos, perfect for Facebook boasting.  And with a few full-blown embellishments of the delusional variety, the cunning stranger invented herself a dying “grandma.”  Really?  (Insert sob here.)  Please, don’t hold back the sentimental tears.   

My mother did not do sentimental.  My mother did ornery.  Before Parkinson’s ate her brain, Pat would just as soon slap you as greet you.  What she liked was cigarettes.  And coffee.  She couldn’t stand people, kids, animals, or whiners.  If you fit into one of those categories, well, it sucks to be you.  Once she slapped my brother on his dangling, broken foot insisting, “It’s not broken.  Get up and walk on it.”  Nobody got away with thumb sucking around my mother.  Maybe it was the waitress training.  Send Pat the Waitress running back to the kitchen enough times with complaints about your food, and she’d serve you all right—and it wasn’t just steak on your plate.  You never should have been fooled by Pat the Waitress.  Not by her silence.  And certainly not by her innocent smile.  That was her power.  And the arrogant customer’s undoing.  No kidding…sucked to be him or her…seriously…ewww…

So for the benefit of Governor Chris Christie and all the overgrown infants he is about to unleash to prey on the little birds the governor felled with that magic sword of his, I think I will channel Pat the Waitress.  Pat the Waitress dealt with her share of bullies in her time and she’d like to have a few words. 

You can knock me down but you BETTER NOT be around when I get up.

I’m gonna’ smack them so hard, they’ll be holdin’ their teeth in their hands.

You think I was born yesterday?

They think I’m takin’ their shit, they got another think comin’.

I don’t believe a word comin’ out of his mouth.

I’m not giving them nothin’.

Don’t come around here cryin’.

You’re gonna’ get what you’re asking for all right.

Keep it up and I’ll give you something to cry for.

Ugly horse face.

(Reserved for the ugliest of the ugly.)

I can smell him comin’ a mile away.

  (She liked saying that about Bill from Ohio.)

Somebody should’a beat the shit out of that kid. 

(She liked saying that about Bill from Ohio, too.)

Nothin’ but a bunch of spoiled, rotten brats.

(That covered everybody looking for pity or a handout, including Bill from Ohio.)

Here’s the thing about woo-woo.  It shows you stuff you normally wouldn’t notice.  I loved seeing that dazzling little bird splashing away in the waterfall.  And was so sad that it ended up dead in the grass. Yet amazed by its woo-woo message.  I’d mostly forgotten about when my mother was Pat the Waitress, before The Little Bird took over.  Thanks to that rose-breasted grosbeak, I saw my mother sitting at the kitchen table drinking her sixth cup of coffee and working through her second pack of Raleigh’s.  I heard her low, smoky growl accusing those two ugly horse faces of kidnapping her, treating her like she was stupid.  And I knew that on the day those cunning abusers spirited her away that there was still some Pat the Waitress dazzle alive in The Little Bird.  I heard her saying, I didn’t give them nothin’.  And she didn’t.

So to all you beautiful little song birds out there frightened by the power of Governor Chris Christie and his sorcerer’s sword and open sesame command, and terrified of the overgrown infants salivating over your carcass, Pat the Waitress has a few more words:

Tell them to suck your nose and to go to Hell.

I told you she was ornery.  You go, dazzling Little Bird! 

By Philip Foley

Redaction: The State will remove your name from the formerly classified documents before release to protect still confidential material (your name).

Governor Christie has authorized the unsealing of confidential adoption records. The State legislators have set aside funding for a media blitz to enforce your cooperation with this action.

We urge you to prepare yourself for this and look at the reality of what that means to a woman in hiding.

Know that the State will be contacting you within the next year or so as a result of this legislative action. Seriously consider revealing your secret to your loved ones or at least a loved and trusted person who can offer support and comfort. Facing this ordeal by yourself is going to be profoundly stressful. This is not an ordeal you need or should endure alone.

Revealing your secret yourself will allow you to take control of your story.

Because of this legislative action, you (a biological source) will be compelled to decide on the options offered to you.

The first option is to make yourself available for direct contact with the adoptee.

The second option is to use an intermediary to conduct contact with the adoptee. If you decide on this option, please ensure that the intermediary you select always acts on your behalf. The intermediary should be instructed to never offer any personal information without first consulting with you. If the intermediary attempts to convince you to provide information you do not feel comfortable divulging, get another intermediary immediately.

In the third option, the State will require a biological source (you) to either provide your medical and family history or they will expose your name publicly.  They (the State – the same entity that promised you sealed confidential adoption records) promise to redact you name if you submit to their coercive demand to disclose your private, personal medical and family information. They also want you to update this information every 5 to 10 years.

Here’s the challenge.  Kathleen was “found” despite sealed records. There is no valid reason to believe that the State can or will protect you even if you comply with their demands and your name is actually redacted from the record.

Having been in law enforcement and investigative work for over 40 years, I know that privacy is an illusion. This self-deception does not serve your best interest. It is not my intention to alarm you, but my experience, both professional and personal, has given me the understanding that if someone is intent on finding you, they will. Predators don’t just go away.  You must take steps to protect yourself from unwanted contact.

There are current laws that may help protect you should an unwanted individual, demanding contact, show up at your door or harass you with unwanted correspondence. Unfortunately, you must forfeit your anonymity to take advantage of these laws.

With today’s technological advances, anonymity is almost impossible to maintain. Supplying the State with any information you don’t want them to have is absolutely no guarantee of anonymity. Please understand this.

I offer the following suggestions for you to consider:

Contact the State personally or through a competent attorney.  Inform the State that you will not provide any information without a court order.  Request that they place in your official record your desire to NOT BE CONTACTED by the State, the Adoptee or anyone representing either.  Additionally, request that the official record reflect that any contact will be considered Harassment. Indicate that you will take legal action should anyone violate your stated request for NO CONTACT.

By taking a proactive approach to the unsealing of your confidential records, you stake claim to your personal boundaries and assert your personal power.

A competent attorney (one versed in how the system of government works) should be able to find viable civil action against an unwanted individual who pursues, stalks and /or harasses you.  Not all attorneys are created equal. Shop around for the best one to protect you.

Here are some (not all) criminal laws that will give you some protection:

2C:12-10. Stalking designated a crime;
b. A person is guilty of stalking, a crime of the fourth degree, if he purposefully or knowingly engages in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for his safety or the safety of a third person or suffer other emotional distress.

2C:13-5 Criminal coercion
A person is guilty of criminal coercion if, with purpose unlawfully to restrict another's freedom of action to engage or refrain from engaging in conduct, he threatens to:
(7) Perform any other act which would not in itself substantially benefit the actor but which is calculated to substantially harm another person with respect to his health, safety, business, calling, career, financial condition, reputation or personal relationships.

2C:33-4 Harassment: if, with purpose to harass another
Makes, or causes to be made, a communication or communications anonymously or at extremely inconvenient hours, or in offensively coarse language, or any other manner likely to cause annoyance or alarm.

2C:25-19 "Domestic violence"
You currently do not have protection under this act because the legislature failed to include you since there was never cohabitation with the adoptee. This was brought to the attention of several legislators' that I personally spoke with prior to them opening the records.

Perhaps a competent attorney could figure a way to get you the protection this act provides since the State indicates in the act a concern for the elderly by stating:
The Legislature further finds and declares that violence against the elderly and disabled, including criminal neglect of the elderly and disabled under section 1 of P.L.1989, c.23 (C.2C:24-8), must be recognized and addressed on an equal basis as violence against spouses and children in order to fulfill our responsibility as a society to protect those who are less able to protect themselves.

The Legislature further finds and declares that even though many of the existing criminal statutes are applicable to acts of domestic violence, previous societal attitudes concerning domestic violence have affected the response of our law enforcement and judicial systems, resulting in these acts receiving different treatment from similar crimes when they occur in a domestic context. The Legislature finds that battered adults presently experience substantial difficulty in gaining access to protection from the judicial system, particularly due to that system's inability to generate a prompt response in an emergency situation.