Here's what a few readers had to say about the book Woman In Hiding: A True Tale of Backdoor Abuse, Dark Secrets & Other Evil Deeds.
30 March 2011
Fortunately, I did not read the previous reviews before reading Kathleen Foley's book. One of the reviewers actually made the cruelest remark one can make to a victim: she questions why the author continued to date the man who repeatedly raped her. It's like asking a battered woman why she stays with her abuser. The answers are many and they are complicated, but the question itself is outright cruel. Because she doesn't feel she has a choice, because she was taught not to question men or their actions, because she didn't have the inner strength to make it stop, because she didn't think anyone would believe her, because she didn't think she deserved to be respected. One could go on and on. I thought we'd come away from blaming the victim. One thing is sure: we don't have the right to sit in judgment unless we've walked in her shoes. I dare say if we had, we wouldn't ask why she allowed it to continue.
Kathleen Foley is to be applauded for having the courage to tell her story and take the necessary and life saving giant step away from her family's way of dealing with 'secrets'. It's clear that would have destroyed her.
She not only took the brave way out, and she has done so eloquently, but she's also felt the need to give others who are in similar circumstances her voice, since they dare not speak out. Hopefully, reading her story will help them find their own voice.
via Amazon; rha
1 April 2011
A Heartbreaking Story of Two Generations of Cruelty
There were so many young girls like Kathleen. Brought up to be polite, quiet, and respectful, to take "teasing" with a smile and never to complain. In those days there was no such thing as "date rape," no such thing as "boyfriend abuse." When a girl got "in trouble" it was assumed she'd been "asking for it."
Help, when it came, was late, harsh and judgmental. Shame demanded secrecy and secrecy bred more shame. Only time would heal the wounds. Or so everyone believed.
But in Kathleen's case, the nightmare returned in a new form many years later. Her secret revealed, she was approached -- then harassed -- by a stranger who, like the man who sired her, refuses to take "no" for an answer.
This book is at times funny, often heartbreaking, and always scathingly honest. You won't always like Kathleen. She doesn't always like herself. Today's younger reader will want to tell the young Kathleen to slap the guy, to yell for help, to confide in someone.
A reader from another generation will know just how Kathleen felt. How the instruction to "never make a scene" was inbred and immovable. But readers of any age will ache with frustration for Kathleen today, betrayed by some of those she trusted with her secret, taunted for her decision to give the baby she bore to a family who wanted her, and now stalked by the daughter of the man who raped and abused her years ago. Today she has the courage to say "no" and is villified by some for that courage, for her refusal to relive the nightmare.
The strength and support of Kathleen's current family is heartwarming, and their desire to warn and assist women in similar circumstances is commendable. You will laugh, cry, gasp, groan, shudder and smile as you read this book. And you will pass it along to every woman you know because "there but for the grace of God......."
Joan M. Quigley
7 September 2011
Thank you for sending me your book, "Woman in Hiding." It has special meaning for me. I am one of your peers in more ways than one. My shame was hidden. I would never have an adoptee contacting me, instead I would suffer in silence for 43 years. I was not raped, but became pregnant unexpectedly at 17. Conditioned to believe that "Good Catholic Girls" do not get pregnant, and worried about what the neighbors would think because I had shamed my family, I chose an illegal abortion. It was very much a "backstreet event" that eventually, put me into the hospital. At the time, 1969, I felt I had no choice and no place to turn. It was truly the darkest experience of my existence. It colored and shaped my entire life. Just as there are many "women in hiding" there are as many women who took another path and chose an illegal abortion. I am sure each time "Roe V Wade is challenged they shuddered. No woman should ever have to choose to have an illegal abortion, be forced to have a child that they do not want regardless of circumstances, or be required to let an adoptee know who they are if they choose not to share that information. I applaud your decision to go public and share with the world your pain. I will indeed share your book with my clients as there are many out there who continue to suffer in silence.
Name omitted for privacy PhD LMFT
Dear Kathleen Foley
I just received and opened your book "Woman in Hiding". Thank you so VERY VERY much for making me aware. I really, and perhaps shamefully, had no idea how this terrible trauma/assault/tragedy might play itself out in an unwanted pregnancy...victimized yet again... and then continue on an entire lifetime. I have not yet met a woman who has lived this anguish-filled life that I am aware (though, I understand, it may have been hidden from me or invisible to me). Your book will open my eyes and I thank you. And yes, I will share it with others. (PS: I graduated from High School in 1965.. so I know of that era.)
In gratitude for you courage and perseverance and this gift of enlightenment. Thank you for sharing.
Name omitted for privacy RN, LCPC
19 January 2012
This book is the formidable roar of a woman cornered and unwilling to back down. It has kept me on edge throughout and awakened "feminist" fires I thought extinguished long ago. Because it appears that in the broad weave of the American fabric, whether legally or culturally, a girl, woman, loses her individual rights the moment her uterus is inseminated.
Through her succinct and unadorned prose, Kathleen Hoy Foley tells you how she grew up, the oldest sister of four boys in a materially stable household tortured by the whims of a tyrannical father; how as a teenager she was targeted by a street tough, entrapped in that abusive relationship and impregnated by rape; how she was finally rescued by a confidential adoption process; and how, decades later, the adoptee barged into her life with demands and entitlements, refusing to accept "No" as an answer, so similar in tone and attitude to abuses Kathleen endured years before.
It is a compelling story without an Oprahesque ending and will undoubtedly challenge most beliefs about the true rights of women when it comes to procreation and its aftermath.
Nathalie Marie Mikowicz (Lompac, CA USA)
15 March 2012
Dear Ms. Hoy Foley,
I received your book and read it immediately. My response is twofold. First, your writing style is in a word -- fabulous! I was pulled in quickly and remained engaged to the very end. You are talented! Second, thank you for educating me and opening my eyes wider!! Thank you on behalf of my clients, colleagues, family, and friends for giving voice and light to this most serious of issues. I do, and will continue to pass on what I have learned. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It makes a difference.
Name omitted for privacy MA, LCPC, NCC
29 March 2012
I received the complimentary copy of your book and your letter. Thank you for sending this to me and having the courage to so painstakingly express your ordeal-for myself, other therapists, rape victims, and countless others!
I am so sorry for all the suffering, ignorance, and injustices you have had to endure. I hope you are finding some healing and peace now. I also hope you have found a good therapist to help you in your journey. I was most touched and concerned for you regarding the flashbacks you have had! EMDR might help end these with the help and guidance of a trained psychologist.
I wish you all the best. Thank you again for sharing your pain to help others.
Name withheld for privacy, PhD, Clinical Psychologist